So, where do we go from here?

Last night Chloe and I decided to have a little girls night out. Obviously we didn't stay out very late because we both had work today, but it was really nice to be able to hang out and just  talk about everything that has been going on (she was out of town last weekend too, so I felt like I hadn't seen her in FOREVER). It was so so soooo fun! I am so glad we are so close and that that awkward phase has passed. I am so happy that she is one of my best friends :)

We got to talking and decided to hash out the entire Lisa situation. Since I last wrote about it, this is what happened on my end of it:

1. She didn't apologize about it herself. We waited for DAYS and heard nothing from her. No texts, not a single interaction on any communication medium. For Lisa, this is weird considering she really does have a texting problem and is on the obsessive compulsive side of that spectrum. Not hearing anything from her was so bizarre.
   

   

   Is this what we should do?

2. Chloe and I discussed, and even though I wasn't directly involved, I wrote Lisa this long text explaining why her actions and lack of apology were concerning to me. I explained that I was alarmed that her intentions seemed terrible and was worried that she would do something shitty to me. This was completely true - was she going to just up-and-leave me in the middle of some neighborhood in NYC when we were out one night? I HAD to get to the bottom of this.


3. Lisa sent me a long text responding to my concerns. Apparently she had been so embarrassed about the entire situation the next day. She is definitely not one to engage in confrontation, so her actions were definitely in-line with what I would expect of her - she didn't want to say anything and essentially hoped that everything would blow over on its own. She apologized for essentially ditching her friends for a guy and said it was one of the worst things she had ever done. Slightly dramatic, but yes, that was INCREDIBLY STUPID. And just not nice! Everything she said came off completely sincere though, so I was happy that I reached out.

So the other day after I got her apology, I felt a lot better. I replied telling her that I totally understood, but that she really needed to apologize to Chloe for what happened. It was really not okay and she should address it because I knew Chloe was still irked about it. Last night, we went over the response that Chloe got from Lisa. Several things were EXTREMELY ALARMING about the difference between the answers we got:

1. Chloe's response was CONSIDERABLY shorter than mine. I mean, my response required several scrolling efforts in order to read the entire thing. Lisa's response to Chloe fit on one texting page on Chloe's iPhone. I mean, I wasn't even directly involved in what had happened and I got a novel- didn't Chloe deserve the same kind of thought-out response that I got?


2. She justified her behavior to Chloe in the fact that she got "caught up in NYC". So was it a guy (what she told me) or NYC or what?! Also, she was here last summer interning for the company she is working for now, so I don't understand how it is so different this time around. How was she caught up in NYC?


3. She ended Chloe's message with a "we should go out to a club sometime!" ............oh okay, so one of our best friends will pencil us into her busy schedule to go out with us? Thanks, but I think we're doing just fine on our own. Don't feel the need to grace us with your magnificent presence, Lisa.



I feel like this quote definitely applies in this situation.

Yea, so we are basically in shock about this entire thing. It's so disappointing to see someone change so much in such a short time. I really don't know what to think, but none of my thoughts about the situation are good. One thing I'm glad about is that I have a friend like Chloe who will stick by me no matter what. We both admit when we make mistakes and own up to them. And we will never throw each other under the bus for a temporary guy. Guys come and go but friendship is for life!

Everything about this situation with Lisa is just not right. I'm pretty sad about it. :(

Where do we go from here?

<3, Charlotte

Green is not an attractive color on anyone

We all have it. That one friend that always believes that, no matter what, they are correct. That they have this amazing set of core values and can do no wrong. They also have your back no matter what happens – if there is any altercation between you and anyone, they are 100% there for you, and are willing to get into fights with people they don’t even know if it is your defense. Even if you are fundamentally wrong, they will find a way to make it so you are right. This person is also somehow always slightly better than you at everything. It is almost as though it is a natural order for them to consistently come in first. But what happens when you finally come out on top? How supportive are they then? Are they able to be truly happy for you when you have accomplished something great?

I am encountering this very problem.

One of my “best friend’s”, Chloe (whose name has obviously been changed for this, but in this post and all future ones that is what I will call her), is that very person I just described. She has had my back in many situations, though sometimes more drama has been caused than what was necessary. I always liked that she would be there for me – being from a more aggressive city, and being proud of it, it was nice to have someone that strong by my side. I am more of a kill-them-with-kindness kind of person, so sometimes it was nice to have that aggression in my defense.

I never cared much about grades. In advertising, no one really cares about that bullshit. I don’t care if I understand accounting or finance or everything in my music class. I just wanted to graduate with over a 3.0. Trust me, this was incredibly WEIRD at the college I attended, where everyone hyperventilated over an A-. Chloe was one of those types of people. While I was more than content to get back my B’s, she would go in and cry to professors over her A- paper in an effort to get that A. So, in terms of grades, she was leaps and bounds better than me. But I never minded.

[caption id="attachment_66" align="alignright" width="235"] Friends forever?[/caption]

We took an advertising class together – a class I had my eye on since my admittance to my college. The day before the class began, Chloe was debating if she even wanted to take it, but I convinced her it was a good idea and that it would be a lot of fun. When the first day of class arrived, we needed to elect a student president to lead us during the entire course. I undoubtedly ran for that position. I mean, this class was one of the main reasons I chose this school, leading it would be an amazing experience for me. Chloe also decided to run for president, clearly for the leadership role it would allow her to write on her resume. Not only did she get the presidency, I was not elected to ANY board position to lead, and there were 5 of them. Talk about a soul-crushing experience. While it was difficult for me to deal with at first, I sucked it up and did the class. I was supportive of Chloe and her leadership and never let that wane out.

Chloe also got a job before me. I was so happy for her (mainly for 2 reasons, 1- any time anyone in the advertising/PR industry got a job at that point, it gave me hope; and 2- I knew we weren’t competing for any of the same positions that I was applying to). She got a healthcare PR gig. Not the most exciting thing in the world, but healthcare is a great base for all future endeavors because of all the regulations that come with that industry. Anyways, we had a great time celebrating, and I was excited (I knew that I had some big opportunities arriving in the future and I was excited to celebrate my employment in the same way).

When I found out that I made it past the preliminary interview for the job I am starting in a week and a half, I was ECSTATIC. This company is beyond huge, and the account I was interviewing for was so exciting. I felt like I needed someone to pinch me to wake me up. When I shared the news with Chloe at lunch one day, she was un-amused. She hardly asked any questions, and the one-sided conversation about the position was over in less than 2 minutes. It was one of the most disappointing things I had ever experienced in my life. I was so genuinely excited for her when she got her job. Buying drinks, telling everyone around me, tweeting a huge congrats message, didn’t I deserve the same excitement?

[caption id="attachment_70" align="alignleft" width="211"] Will things ever be the same again?[/caption]

I stopped talking to Chloe about the second-round interviews I had for the position. She would ask me via text how everything was going in attempts to be supportive, and I would reply, but no response would come through on her end. And when I got the job, all I got was a text, “Congrats”.

Who knew silence could speak so loud? We didn’t go through the same celebration for my employment. No fun girls night with our close group, no celebratory tweets, no big announcements to those around us when we all went out that weekend. Now that I had something better than her, it was as though this giant green monster had overtaken Chloe, and it appeared as though there was no sign of it leaving.

The giant elephant is still in the room. Chloe and I are still close, but now there is something there that I cannot just put out of my mind. As long as she comes out on top, Chloe is 100000% supportive of me like a true friend. However, when I am given an amazing opportunity, when my hard work finally pays off, when I get something that is so much better than what she has, she shuts everything down. Is that a true friend? A friend worth having?

I’m not sure what the answer is. But jealously is an ugly thing. Letting it show could be the greatest fault a person can have. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen to us when we move to New York.

<3, Charlotte